We all love in different ways. Many of us, in an underlying core way, believe in a DEFINITION OF LOVE:
- What you do when you love someone,
- How you prioritize them,
- How you communicate to them,
- How you show affection to them.
For us this is “just what you do,” when you love someone. However our way of loving is not “THE WAY,” it is just “OUR” way, what is normal to us.
Most often when we begin a relationship we are so focused on the other person, putting our best foot forward, spending all of out time invested in the other, we just stumble onto providing what they need to feel loved. This is just achieved through sheer volume of effort and time. Unfortunately as time and life progresses, career, family, and other stressors intercede, and we begin to not focus on each other with such volume. This is when many couples will begin to drift, as they do less and less what is needed to maintain that connection they once had. Eventually the drought of loving action (based on the definition of one party) reaches a breaking point.
- We feel disconnected,
- Uncared for,
- Taken advantage of,
- Taken for granted.
We PANIC!!! Not wanting to lose the other person, who has become such a key part of our life, we feel that impending doom in the pit of our stomach, “THE RELATIONSHIP IS GOING TO END.” We begin expressing love, in our unique way, in hope of winning the other person back. We try harder and harder, doing more and more of the same thing. Showing the other person how important they are, how special they are, how much we love them (unfortunately it is in our way, not theirs). It doesn’t make a difference, we are doomed to fail and drift further apart. We were never given an owners manual on how to love the other, nor the proper understanding of how important these ways were to them. We are a victim to our own reality.
What you do when you love someone: how you prioritize them, how you communicate to them, how you show affection to them; for us this is “just what you do,” when you love someone. However our way of loving is not “THE WAY,” it is just “OUR” way, what is normal to us.
If this resonated with you I can help. Everyday I help couples learn, really learn, not just how the other needs to be loved but to really understand its importance and to create real, long lasting connection. When both parties know how to make the other feel as loved as they are, it is a powerful and beautiful thing. Give me a call 253-304-4522
